so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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