I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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