just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
