i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
