she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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