i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do vagina's smell?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
