when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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