I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
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On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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