Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
