someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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