so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
nutella sex= disaster
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
