i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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