I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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