the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
