and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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