I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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