It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
