Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
