I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
