i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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