I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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