Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
