are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
