While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
