I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
