At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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