No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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