Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity