How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
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I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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