I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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