For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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