I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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