Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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