Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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