two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
