"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
try to milk me bitch
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