And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
