They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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