I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
