Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
