let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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