Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
