Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
