Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
