Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
