If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control should be required to get into college
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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