there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize