Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
