i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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