you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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