i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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