Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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