it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
