he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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