So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
