that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
