So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
