just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
MIDGETS
????
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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