Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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