Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
