um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
