I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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