My cat gives me a boner
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
